Written Communication > Verbal Communication for Couples
Written Communication > Verbal Communication for Couples

Written Communication > Verbal Communication for Couples

Written Communication > Verbal Communication for Couples

Author: Faraz Malik

Author: Faraz Malik

Date: September 5, 2023

Date: September 5, 2023

Couples get into arguments all the time. It is common and is not an indicator of a failing marriage, as shown by Gottman. However, the tone or word choice we use can make a purely intentional message filthy.

Let me give an analogy. Imagine if you take a cup of pure water. You want to give this water to your spouse. On the way a small piece of filth falls into the water and dissolves into the water. This effectively makes the once pure cup of water impure. Would you still want to give this to your spouse to drink? Of course not!

Yet, we continuously do this in our conversations. We have a message we want to deliver but we end up raising our voice, using a regretful word, or reacting in an emotional way.

When we verbally communicate, we are communicating in real time. This means we are more prone to error in delivering a message which we intended. The more errors, the less clear our message. The more errors, the more recovery we need. The more errors, the more baggage we have to carry around.

Technique

One technique that I have seen work for couples struggling is to communicate via writing. Spend 3 days writing and editing your thoughts. Once you finished, print out the paper and give it for the other person the read.

Couples get into arguments all the time. It is common and is not an indicator of a failing marriage, as shown by Gottman. However, the tone or word choice we use can make a purely intentional message filthy.

Let me give an analogy. Imagine if you take a cup of pure water. You want to give this water to your spouse. On the way a small piece of filth falls into the water and dissolves into the water. This effectively makes the once pure cup of water impure. Would you still want to give this to your spouse to drink? Of course not!

Yet, we continuously do this in our conversations. We have a message we want to deliver but we end up raising our voice, using a regretful word, or reacting in an emotional way.

When we verbally communicate, we are communicating in real time. This means we are more prone to error in delivering a message which we intended. The more errors, the less clear our message. The more errors, the more recovery we need. The more errors, the more baggage we have to carry around.

Technique

One technique that I have seen work for couples struggling is to communicate via writing. Spend 3 days writing and editing your thoughts. Once you finished, print out the paper and give it for the other person the read.

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